as you breathe out i breathe in

this evening, i attended a matt nathanson concert with a few of my girlfriends and some wonderful new faces (which is awesome because i am always very excited to get to know new people).  first of all, i have been a fan of matt nathanson for awhile.  secondly, i am a huge singer/songwriter junkie, especially when it comes to live shows.  matt surpassed my expectations tonight.  although his set was short (only about ten songs), it totally moved me.  it was raw, unedited talent at it's finest.  just him, his guitar, and some mean vocal chords.  the highlight of his set, for me, was "falling apart", which is one of his slower pieces.  i was totally mesmerized as he effortlessly vomited up auditory art.  i was afraid to move my little peepers because i would miss a moment.  as an artist, i understand what it's like to expose your soul like that...to have such passion move through you, your whole body responds.  i have to admit, i teared up a couple times, because some of his lyrics really reflected some things going on in my life personally.  but overall, it was an amazing night.  i wouldn't have changed anything. 

photo courtesy of nicki donnelson....great shot nicki.  : )

listen to:  Still by Matt Nathanson...."still can feel you kiss me love"

my valentines

"the best thing to hold onto in life is each other."

my friend, amy, is moving to dubai in a couple of weeks, and she came into town for the weekend.  valentine's day with the ladies = best idea ever.  we hit up downtown on friday night.  all inhibitions aside, we shamelessly re-entered "college mode"....drinking vodka from a flask in the  ladies room, attempting to "krump", making the dueling piano's sing dirty songs to amy, and overall drinking more alcohol than we can handle.  saturday's activities included shopping and making unnecessary purchases (scarves with pockets?), dinner at our favorite sushi joint, and drinks at zan (a club downtown for you non-springfield blogees).  as we arrived home, we realized that the keys were locked in the house, so we had a massive shack session at a friend's house.  i love when you wake up after a nice group shack session and take a gander at your sleep conditions.  i woke up on a mattress in an empty room that contained nothing but three old water bottles and a q-tip, still wearing my coat, with one earring nearly poking through my skull.  it also looked like a stuffed animal committed suicide in this room.  

anyway, i digress......

we went to brunch this morning to laugh about life and eat our body weight in pancakes.  we parted ways a few hours ago, and my face still hurts from smiling.  i almost laughed my face off this weekend....literally.  i will

 never forget the memories we made this valentine's day.  my girls mean the world to me.  thank you for being my valentines!

listen to:  "Love Song" by 311..."however far away, i will always love you"

starchy bar food

i just realized that i can't even remember what went wrong.  all i can think about are the good times. 

: )

listen to:  Your Guardian Angel by The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus...."use me as you will, pull my strings just for a thrill"

this is why.....

....women are stereotyped as insecure and needy.

i went to see the movie "he's just not that into you" on sunday with about ten gorgeous female friends, then had drinks to recap the flick. overall, it was a great movie. the perfect ratio of humor, cynicism, "i've been there" moments, and "awww" moments (but not too many). the beginning is my favorite. a little girl is humorously verbally abused ("you smell", etc) by a little shithead on the playgroud. she cries to her mom, and her mom recites the infamous speech...."honey, he is being mean to you because he likes you". the look on the girl's face is PRICELESS as the narrator states..."and THAT is when the confusion begins".

the wonderful man i am casually dating just got out of a long term relationship. we have hung out maybe four times. he is great. things are going well and we are both comfortable with each other and also with what we have (a casual, not-serious "non-relationship"). there's just one small catch....his ex is slightly creepy. keep in mind i have never met this girl. the first time i wrote on his facebook wall, she immediately wrote three posts on his wall and requested to be my friend. i denied her. the next day i had another request. from her. to be my friend. i denied it. day three....you can guess. i don't want to seem rude, but it just feel like it would be opening a can of worms. regardless of the creepiness, i just want to take her to lunch and have a long chat with her. why are women like this? confidence is sexy ladies! don't waste your time with a guy who is obviously not interested in you. AND don't be totally creepy when they're not....

...so not fair to the normal ones.

i am so happy to be surrounded by the strongest, most interesting and self-sufficient women i have ever met. my friends and i truly love ourselves and don't need another person to validate our existance. i have always been naturally drawn to this peronality type. they are strong for me when i have low moments (as selfless creatures, all women do). they are my illustration of how lucky i am, and they are always a phone call away if i just need a little reminder.

plus if one of my friends was this creepy, i would personally take them through a twelve-step program. that's what friends are for. : )

listen to: Breathe Me by Sia..."ouch I have lost myself again. lost myself and I am nowhere to be found"

millenium kids

this is gonna be a long one.....

i had my first lesson in dealing with millenium kids when i was in hawaii. first, let me clarify: a millenium kid is a new generation of high school and college students that has been handed things their whole life. many lack work ethic, but make up for it with their intelligence. the don't accept defeat as a lesson learned. they avoid taking accountability for their own mistakes at all possible costs. as someone who has had to manage this generation, and will continue to do so, i have to admit that my weakest professional attribute is my management skills. i'm working on it, but i still need to rant.....

when i was head of the sports marketing department at a university in hawaii, i had one assistant (a college student) and 1-2 interns a semester. i had some fairly substantial control issues with my second assistant. my favorite example is when i would ask her to write letters to sponsors and sign my name to them. on one occasion, the letter was addressed incorrectly and was returned to me. i opened it to find her name on the signature line and typos EVERYWHERE (so embarrasing). i confronted her about it and asked her to run things by me before she sent them. that's when things got bad. after another month or so, she gave me her two weeks notice and my boss asked to see me the same day. he handed me a letter that she wrote him accusing me of being a "bad manager" and "taking credit for her work". we laughed about it. i spent the next two weeks mentoring my assistant....aka taking her to lunch, talking about her future, giving her tons of positive feedback, and NOT mentioning her note. i actually felt bad for her. people like that will not get ahead in life easily. she basically went above my head to try and get me fired. as far as i know, that won't go over well at any organization.

when i was in the second professional job, right out of college, i was an assistant. i knew my managers signature almost better than he did. i became the queen of mail merges. i never asked for credit, i just worked quietly and learned. it is my belief that that's how you get ahead.

at the first meeting for my current job, all the instructors were warned about this generation of students called millenium kids. i was familiar with the term, but lately i feel like this generation is getting worse and worse. almost everyday i have a student just blow my mind with their questions and comments. i even lectured my students on being PROACTIVE on the first day of class, yet most of them still need their hands held for every little thing. (side note: as i am writing this blog, one of my collegues came by my office to complain about how a student e-mailed him to explain why he wasn't in class....his dog was sick. haha seriously?) i had one student who missed class because he thought it was a snow day and the entire university was closed. it wasn't. he explained his absence then looked at me like...."ok, so fix it". there was a good 30 sec silent period in which we exchanged confused glances. i almost laughed out loud at how serious he was.

i fear our future.

listen to: No Rain by Blind Melon...."all I can do is just pour some tea for two"

idealism vs realism

lately, i've found that my typical "eternal idealist" outlook has been flavored with plenty of realism.  this viewpoint typically relates to people.  i don't judge, i just consider myself very observational.  as an idealist, i think that people are honest, fair and forgiving.  i believe in the best possible outcome to any situation.  however, i usually get let down, so i've decided to try this realism thing for awhile.

wish me luck.

listen to:  Screaming Infidelities by Dashboard Confessionals...."and when did your eyes begin to look fake?"

a fallen angel

this week marks the second week of jodi sanderholm's murder trial.  i hired jodi to work for uda in march 2006.  i knew the instant i watched her dance that she was going to be great.  i will never forget when she messed up on a combo, and asked to do it again.  most people would have just dropped their head in defeat.  i will never forget her.  jodi was a strong, beautiful girl who changed people through her love and passion for dance.  she was a true inspiration and is dancing with the angels.

i was sitting at o'hare international airport in chicago on a sunday evening when i heard that she was missing.  i didn't sleep that night.  

justin thurber has been accused of sexual assault, capital murder and aggravated kidnapping.  i can honestly say i have never had such disgust towards an individual.  we're talking, physical reactions.  just a glance at his name and my entire body gets goosebumps, i get nauseous and short of breath.  two years after jodi's murder, i am still beside myself that this could happen. 

for details on the murder trial, visit www.kwch.com.

.

listen to:  A Little's Enough by Angels and Airwaves..."when all is said and done, will we still feel the pain inside?"

pet peeve(s)

can someone please tell me the purpose of doing cardio machines if you are putting 95% of your weight on the handle bars?  the worst is the stair stepper....when what i like to call "new years resolution exercisers" grip onto the handle bars for dear life and move their feet really fast.  most of the time these people look like goldfish trying to run a marathon, twittering around on the asphalt in desperation to get somewhere wet.  i've worked at various gyms for almost five years and i swear i don't have the patience for it.  

when i lived in hawaii, there was one "avid fitness enthusiast" who i watched get ready in the locker room for thirty minutes.  i was mega early for my evening spin class that i taught, and pretended i was returning some emails on my pda because i was so fascinated with this woman's routine.  she changed into her tiny little matching nike gear, brushed her teeth, brushed her hair, fixed her hair into a neat little ponytail, applied make-up (yes it's true), fixed her hair again, and finally left.  on my way into the cycling studio, i passed her in the cardio room standing next to a machine chatting away with a man on the elliptical.  the very next week, i saw her at the 24 hour fitness in hawaii kai, blabbering away to some poor guy trying to watch the ohio state game.  i had to lol.

people kill me.

listen to:  Caring is Creepy by The Shins..."it's a luscious mix of words and tricks that let us bet when you know we should've folded"

icy toes

there isn't anyone i'd rather stick my cold, annoying little feet under than you.

listen to: Dreaming with a Broken Heart by John Mayer..."do i have to fall asleep with roses in my hand"

tiny blessings

in the past 24 hours, i have been reminded that God moves through us several times. last night, i was laying in bed counting my blessings and talking to the big man, when i got a text from my best friend that simply said, "you mean the world to me, j". i am so blessed by the people in my life.

this morning as i was leaving for work, i was surprised by my four-year old niece, aaliyah, who snuggled up in my arms. kids are so cute early in the morning. she is never awake when i leave for the office. the house was quiet and we had a few brief moments to catch up. she told me that daddy got her some new books and i asked her if we could read one tonight. she said, "yes, let's read the one about God". with tears in my eyes, i said "absolutely".

i believe that the little things in life are the greatest blessings. i had a smile on my face the whole way to work this morning. it is so easy to get down about what you don't have, but if you take a look around and realize what you do have, you will see that God moves through us every single day.


listen to: God Moves Through You by Jason Mraz..."believe not God is in your heart, child, but rather you're in the heart of God"

bad word

"In truth, people can generally make time for what they choose to do; it is not really the time but the will that is lacking." ~ Sir John Lubbock

if you are reading this, we are probably friends.....

if i ever tell you i am too busy for you, punch me in the face.  saying that is another way of saying "you are not important to me".  everyone is busy.  i hate that word....busy.  make time for people.  it's the only way to find true joy and fulfillment.  be selfless.

our time on earth is limited.  i will make time for you.

listen to: Come Down to Me by Saving Jane..."and I wish that I could make you see, this is where you ought to be"