time for change

last night, i decided to give my blog a new image.  perhaps this will inspire me to give it a little more attention...my blog, that is.  i felt as though i needed something lighter....something that will reflect my days in this wonderful world more.  i've been told that i am a pretty weird person.  i get a kick out of some of the most random things, like sitting in my bathroom sink to floss my teeth, naming my body parts after clothing designers, creating my own language, putting loose change in parking meters even when no one is parked there (i love the noise it makes), etc.  

i hate polka dots.  hate them.  i don't hate many things but polka dots would have to be in the top five along with birds, millennium kids, black olives (taste like blood), and constipation.

i love cheesecake.  who doesn't?  the irony in this is that i am a vegan.  my theory is that you should eat to live, not live to eat...but then there is the glorious taste of cheesecake.  Ah.

love and hate.  two of the most basic human emotions.  i am not ashamed to say i am a very emotional person.  that is part of the beauty in being a woman.  sure, we have days when we are less than desirable to be around (more simply called pms), but we also have moments of incredible grace.  we have relationships with each other that can withstand any test of adversity.  we are nurturing and can heal a wound with a kiss or a broken heart with a bottle of wine and some company.  we cry when we are devastated or when we are overjoyed with happiness.  if you were to ask me what my favorite role is, it would simple be that i am a woman. 

this blog is quite simple.  it's about random thoughts i have throughout my day.  more importantly though, it's about human emotion from the perspective of a lover, an artist, an idealist, a fighter, a survivor, and most importantly....a woman.

listen to:  Lift Me Up by Kate Voegele..."everything worth having, oh, comes with trials worth withstanding"

thoughts on the respiratory system

i've been on quite the yoga kick lately.  from intense bikram yoga weekend sessions in kansas city to teaching four classes of yoga/mat pilates to my classes at the university, i've really been exploring the concept of connecting with your breath during physical activity.  this takes practice, synchronizing your breath with every move you do, but comes naturally to me as a dancer.  in dance, breath is used to activate your core and emphasize movement (i.e. contractions).  there are entire studies of dance based on breath.  in bikram yoga, you use your breath to energize from within and relax your body so that the heat (~112 degrees) doesn't get to you...mind over matter, friends.  in most forms of yoga, you use your breath to find stillness inside yourself and relax during savasana (dead body pose).  

this evening, i took a yoga class with two of my fabulous girlfriends, and spent my post-workout relaxation (or as i call it, the dessert of yoga) using my breath to guide me through

a profound meditation.  the deeper i got, the more i thought about the significance that breath has on us.  two nights ago, my niece and i were indulging in a ducktales marathon (please tell me you remember that cartoon) and she conked out in my arms.  there is nothing in the whole world more relaxing than feeling the breath of a little angel as she sleeps.  this is my happy place.  anytime i am freaking out about life, i mentally take myself somewhere where my little duchess is sleeping and my heartbeat magically slows down.  i think about some of the moments in which i have been totally, one-hundred percent peaceful:  in the arms of a special someone, just feeling each other's breath; laying on the beach in hawaii, listening to the waves and inhaling the scent of the ocean; dancing alone in a dark studio, my breath guiding me to movement that expresses my soul.

life is so beautiful if you just remember to breathe deeply, often.

listen to:  Accidental Babies by Damien Rice..."and is he dark enough, enough to see your light?"

the law of attraction

i've made the following statement to my dearest friends several times the past few weeks:  "i just don't feel like myself".  it's been unexplainable and utterly depressing.  i haven't even felt inspired to choreograph.  an uninspired artist is like a round of golf with no ball.  i can't figure out if the lack of inspiration happened first or my "limp brain syndrome" occurred from the effect of something else, but nonetheless i've just been in a total slump and it has been affecting my entire outlook.  

alas, i'm proud to announce that the dark days are over.  i am on cloud nine.  back on track.  back to where i belong.  back to being me.  i spent this weekend in kansas city doing extensive bikram yoga practices and choreographing with my best friend, who is brilliant

 and inspires me more than ever.  i also learned that there may be a bikram yoga 

studio opening closer to home, so i don't have to drive three hours for psycho bikram weekends, but rather practice daily like i used to in hawaii.  during the drive home this morning, i felt lighter....like i used to before my "slump".

when i arrived at my office this afternoon, i received a call from my roommate in hawaii informing me that she may be accepting a job in st louis and is visiting soon to 

check out the area.  very exciting.  i am driving there this weekend to see her.  the following weekend it's back to kc to judge a dance audition and attend a kick ass concert (iglu and hartley, the zeros and the english beat).  i am totally the kind of person to book up my social schedule (lunches and dinners with friends,

 private dance lessons in the evenings, girl's nights as

 often as possible, the occasional dateski, and fun weekends out of town) but the past three weeks i have been setting aside time to sit at home and be blah.  today, i booked my social schedule for the entire week and i am so excited to catch up with friends and family.  i've also decided to perhaps attend a kings of leon concert (my fav band) in santa barbara during may.  the spontaneous jenna has returned.

i won't go into details about the secret.  if you haven't heard of the secret or read the book, you should.  in a nutshell, the secret is all about the law of attraction, and if you believe that you are meant for greatness, great things will be delivered to you.  i've always had great things just happen to me, because i've never had doubt that the universe will deliver them.  sometimes i get off track and forget that i have power in the secret and that is what truly sets me apart from the crowd, but i remember now.  don't worry.  

i'm back.  : )

listen to...my happy song:  In This City by Iglu and Hartley...."and I found that 'round here (in this city) that I won't disappear (in this city)"

listen up boys

i've become comfortable enough with my blog to where i can be real about a few things....or maybe i've realized that very few people actually read this.  i certainly hope that the bloggers i subscribe to don't religiously read my blog, because i'm sure pastor of the times square church, david wilkerson, wouldn't thing very highly of this post.

men, listen closely...these are a few rules that must be taken to heart.  disclaimer:  i am not a high maintenance woman.  there are a number of traditional "rules" that i throw out the window.  i don't care if you leave the toilet seat up, i can put it down.  i don't care if your job requires you to work late or travel extensively, mine does too.  i don't care if you go out with the guys, because you sure as hell better not get mad when i go out with the girls.  lastly, i don't give a shit if you notice my new hairstyle (see bullet point five below).  i do, however, have some things to say about the following......

1)  take women out on dates.  remember...a date?  "what, chillin at home isn't a date?"  NO.  a date is two people, having dinner or going to a movie.  kudos to you if it is more creative than that.  don't get me wrong, "chillin" at home is great, and one of my favorite things to do with members of the opposite sex, but it gets old after three months (check that...three weeks).  you should drive to and from the date location.  also, no one likes a social retard.  so even if you really don't have any friends or the ones you have are total scrubs, go meet some fun and intelligent people who won't fart in from of your woman.

2)  suppress the ex factor.  it's great that you and your ex are still friends.  i am also friends with my ex(s), but i have never felt compelled to mention them at least once every conversation.  if you and your ex are friends, what is the harm in simply saying "friend"?  is there a specific reason i need to know that the lame joke you just told was told to you by your ex rather than your friend? 

3)  be confident dans la lit.  i'll keep this one short and sweet:  get that goofy, virgin grin off your face and get sweaty.  at least pretend it's not the best you've ever had, because i may be sitting there like, "is that it?".  not good for you.

4)  control your drinking.  this is a tough one for you alcoholics, but it's important.  it is not hot to be with the sloppy drunk at the bar.  i'd rather be with the nerd playing darts with his star wars groupies than with frank the tank.  women like to feel protected and secure when out in public, no matter how independent they are.  if you can't be strong enough to turn down another flu shot, how will you be strong enough for her when she needs you?  think about it.

5)  suppress the metrosexuality.  i love a groomed man with good taste, but when he makes the statement "i love shopping" more than me, it's a little bothersome.  i am not against metrosexuality at all, just don't flaunt it.  i have plenty of gay friends who can give me advice on which strappy sandals look best with my new bebe cocktail dress, ok?

a few more short thoughts to leave you pondering...take off your socks (you know what i mean)...at least act like you're interested in what she's saying...and shave your damn face once in a while (if i wanted to make out with a mountain man, i would move to the alps).

i'm going to hop off my soapbox for now and do some yoga.

listen to: "Glass Onion" by The Beatles..."Lady Madonna trying to make ends meet, yeah"

a letter to you, blog

dear blog,

i'm sorry i've been neglecting you. i just haven't been myself lately. i promise i'll make it up to you soon with wild stories of my latest travels and deep thoughts that stem from my recent revelations. here is a summary of the last few weeks of my life: a failed attempt at a carefree night of birthday debauchery that led to a new male interest; a weekend in st louis with some of the best friends i could ask for, who made up for my less than subperb birthday party via drunk karioke and a simple, less-than-extravagent night; some choreography and quality time with the love of my life (dance); a potential new opportunity to break into studio (i long for my own class in which i can teach my uninhibited style of dance); new friendships; old friendships that have been questioned and temporarily dismissed; the flu (ugh); potentially winning two bracket challenges (love march madness); and lastly: some peace and some love Love LOVE. when i check back with you i will bring many stories from a vegas get away with my boo and details on my freelance life. speaking of my boo, i must go eat sushi.....he is off work and dinner is waiting for me. love life.

you are not forgotten, blog. i'm just building some anticipation right now. something big may happen soon.

regards,

jenna lyn

listen to: "Use Somebody" by Kings of Leon...."someone like you and all you know and how you speak"

quarter century

this week, i am turning twenty-five years old, so i would like to dedicate this post to myself.  : )

in a quarter century, i can honestly say i've done a lot....

i've had the job of my dreams,

i've attended a church service at westminster abbey,

i've made someone cry tears of happiness,

i've hosted my own tv show,

i've fallen in love,

i've fallen out of love (and survived),

i've recited the lord's prayer at st paul's cathedral in central london,

i've lived in hawaii for a year,

i've had my breath taken away by ocean views and green mountains,

i've been blessed with the best friends a girl could ask for,

i've been scuba diving in the riviera maya,

i've learned that making people's day is the best feeling in the world,

i've discovered that you don't have to live your life by some kind of mold,

i've survived my parents divorce,

i've acquired two more wonderful parents and four amazing step-siblings,

i've made a commitment to develop a personal relationship with the lord,

i've been surfing in kauai,

i've accepted my mistakes and learned from them,

i've won the unwavering affection of a child (actually, two children),

i've reconciled relationships against all odds,

i've watched the sunset on the beach on new years eve,

i've driven almost halfway across the country to get home,

i've judged the most prestigious dance team competition in the world,

i've felt emotional pain that transpired into physical pain,

i've fallen to my knees in agony and despair,

i've learned how strong i am,

i've had some amazing experiences with my uda family that i will never forget,

i've developed friendships with people all over the world,

i've impacted thousands through dance,

i've learned to make my own decisions about my health and avoid quackery,

i've camped on the beach,

i've coached the most amazing dance team i could ever dream of,

i've worked hard to develop a strong resume for my future,

i've developed a strong, meaningful relationship with my brother,

i've partied my face off in times square and vegas,

i've choreographed dances that have been done throughout the nation,

i've learned to love myself unconditionally.  

twenty-five is going to be a great year.  trips on the schedule include a summer wedding in mexico, another great summer of dancing across the country, a two week trip to india for work/dance, a thanksgiving dubai visit, and another work/dance trip to rome over new years (tentative).  life couldn't be better.  

here's to the next twenty five years.  cheers.

listen to:  Come Home by One Republic...."i get lost in the beauty of everything i see, the world aint half as bad as they paint it to be"

deepak said it best

"in the midst of movement and chaos, keep stillness inside of you." ~ deepak chopra

the past few days i have been beyond the point of frazzlement.  when i decided to take 12 grad credit hours while teaching and pursuing my dance career, i laughed when people said i was crazy.  i get it now.  this week alone, i have a take home midterm, the first draft of my research paper due (which i am trying to get published), midterm grades for my classes due, my regular assignments for online courses, lesson plans to create, and friends/family/personal time.

this morning i had a nice little reminder to slow down and breathe that i would like to share.  kids always know the right thing to say at the right time.  it's fascinating.  my niece came in to my room early this morning.  i was happy to see her, but i have to admit that a little annoyance crossed me because i knew she wouldn't leave me alone for awhile (we love pajama time).  she had a little note rolled up in her hand, like some magical scroll, and presented it to me.  i opened it, only to reveal some pink squiggles (she can only write her name right now....she's the innocent age of four).  i asked her to read it to me, and this is what she said: 

"dear aunt jenna, i hope all your wishes come true.  also, remember to sing everyday".  

: )

listen to:  My Girl by The Temptations..."I've got sunshine on a cloudy day"

as you breathe out i breathe in

this evening, i attended a matt nathanson concert with a few of my girlfriends and some wonderful new faces (which is awesome because i am always very excited to get to know new people).  first of all, i have been a fan of matt nathanson for awhile.  secondly, i am a huge singer/songwriter junkie, especially when it comes to live shows.  matt surpassed my expectations tonight.  although his set was short (only about ten songs), it totally moved me.  it was raw, unedited talent at it's finest.  just him, his guitar, and some mean vocal chords.  the highlight of his set, for me, was "falling apart", which is one of his slower pieces.  i was totally mesmerized as he effortlessly vomited up auditory art.  i was afraid to move my little peepers because i would miss a moment.  as an artist, i understand what it's like to expose your soul like that...to have such passion move through you, your whole body responds.  i have to admit, i teared up a couple times, because some of his lyrics really reflected some things going on in my life personally.  but overall, it was an amazing night.  i wouldn't have changed anything. 

photo courtesy of nicki donnelson....great shot nicki.  : )

listen to:  Still by Matt Nathanson...."still can feel you kiss me love"

my valentines

"the best thing to hold onto in life is each other."

my friend, amy, is moving to dubai in a couple of weeks, and she came into town for the weekend.  valentine's day with the ladies = best idea ever.  we hit up downtown on friday night.  all inhibitions aside, we shamelessly re-entered "college mode"....drinking vodka from a flask in the  ladies room, attempting to "krump", making the dueling piano's sing dirty songs to amy, and overall drinking more alcohol than we can handle.  saturday's activities included shopping and making unnecessary purchases (scarves with pockets?), dinner at our favorite sushi joint, and drinks at zan (a club downtown for you non-springfield blogees).  as we arrived home, we realized that the keys were locked in the house, so we had a massive shack session at a friend's house.  i love when you wake up after a nice group shack session and take a gander at your sleep conditions.  i woke up on a mattress in an empty room that contained nothing but three old water bottles and a q-tip, still wearing my coat, with one earring nearly poking through my skull.  it also looked like a stuffed animal committed suicide in this room.  

anyway, i digress......

we went to brunch this morning to laugh about life and eat our body weight in pancakes.  we parted ways a few hours ago, and my face still hurts from smiling.  i almost laughed my face off this weekend....literally.  i will

 never forget the memories we made this valentine's day.  my girls mean the world to me.  thank you for being my valentines!

listen to:  "Love Song" by 311..."however far away, i will always love you"

starchy bar food

i just realized that i can't even remember what went wrong.  all i can think about are the good times. 

: )

listen to:  Your Guardian Angel by The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus...."use me as you will, pull my strings just for a thrill"

this is why.....

....women are stereotyped as insecure and needy.

i went to see the movie "he's just not that into you" on sunday with about ten gorgeous female friends, then had drinks to recap the flick. overall, it was a great movie. the perfect ratio of humor, cynicism, "i've been there" moments, and "awww" moments (but not too many). the beginning is my favorite. a little girl is humorously verbally abused ("you smell", etc) by a little shithead on the playgroud. she cries to her mom, and her mom recites the infamous speech...."honey, he is being mean to you because he likes you". the look on the girl's face is PRICELESS as the narrator states..."and THAT is when the confusion begins".

the wonderful man i am casually dating just got out of a long term relationship. we have hung out maybe four times. he is great. things are going well and we are both comfortable with each other and also with what we have (a casual, not-serious "non-relationship"). there's just one small catch....his ex is slightly creepy. keep in mind i have never met this girl. the first time i wrote on his facebook wall, she immediately wrote three posts on his wall and requested to be my friend. i denied her. the next day i had another request. from her. to be my friend. i denied it. day three....you can guess. i don't want to seem rude, but it just feel like it would be opening a can of worms. regardless of the creepiness, i just want to take her to lunch and have a long chat with her. why are women like this? confidence is sexy ladies! don't waste your time with a guy who is obviously not interested in you. AND don't be totally creepy when they're not....

...so not fair to the normal ones.

i am so happy to be surrounded by the strongest, most interesting and self-sufficient women i have ever met. my friends and i truly love ourselves and don't need another person to validate our existance. i have always been naturally drawn to this peronality type. they are strong for me when i have low moments (as selfless creatures, all women do). they are my illustration of how lucky i am, and they are always a phone call away if i just need a little reminder.

plus if one of my friends was this creepy, i would personally take them through a twelve-step program. that's what friends are for. : )

listen to: Breathe Me by Sia..."ouch I have lost myself again. lost myself and I am nowhere to be found"

millenium kids

this is gonna be a long one.....

i had my first lesson in dealing with millenium kids when i was in hawaii. first, let me clarify: a millenium kid is a new generation of high school and college students that has been handed things their whole life. many lack work ethic, but make up for it with their intelligence. the don't accept defeat as a lesson learned. they avoid taking accountability for their own mistakes at all possible costs. as someone who has had to manage this generation, and will continue to do so, i have to admit that my weakest professional attribute is my management skills. i'm working on it, but i still need to rant.....

when i was head of the sports marketing department at a university in hawaii, i had one assistant (a college student) and 1-2 interns a semester. i had some fairly substantial control issues with my second assistant. my favorite example is when i would ask her to write letters to sponsors and sign my name to them. on one occasion, the letter was addressed incorrectly and was returned to me. i opened it to find her name on the signature line and typos EVERYWHERE (so embarrasing). i confronted her about it and asked her to run things by me before she sent them. that's when things got bad. after another month or so, she gave me her two weeks notice and my boss asked to see me the same day. he handed me a letter that she wrote him accusing me of being a "bad manager" and "taking credit for her work". we laughed about it. i spent the next two weeks mentoring my assistant....aka taking her to lunch, talking about her future, giving her tons of positive feedback, and NOT mentioning her note. i actually felt bad for her. people like that will not get ahead in life easily. she basically went above my head to try and get me fired. as far as i know, that won't go over well at any organization.

when i was in the second professional job, right out of college, i was an assistant. i knew my managers signature almost better than he did. i became the queen of mail merges. i never asked for credit, i just worked quietly and learned. it is my belief that that's how you get ahead.

at the first meeting for my current job, all the instructors were warned about this generation of students called millenium kids. i was familiar with the term, but lately i feel like this generation is getting worse and worse. almost everyday i have a student just blow my mind with their questions and comments. i even lectured my students on being PROACTIVE on the first day of class, yet most of them still need their hands held for every little thing. (side note: as i am writing this blog, one of my collegues came by my office to complain about how a student e-mailed him to explain why he wasn't in class....his dog was sick. haha seriously?) i had one student who missed class because he thought it was a snow day and the entire university was closed. it wasn't. he explained his absence then looked at me like...."ok, so fix it". there was a good 30 sec silent period in which we exchanged confused glances. i almost laughed out loud at how serious he was.

i fear our future.

listen to: No Rain by Blind Melon...."all I can do is just pour some tea for two"