listen up boys

i've become comfortable enough with my blog to where i can be real about a few things....or maybe i've realized that very few people actually read this.  i certainly hope that the bloggers i subscribe to don't religiously read my blog, because i'm sure pastor of the times square church, david wilkerson, wouldn't thing very highly of this post.

men, listen closely...these are a few rules that must be taken to heart.  disclaimer:  i am not a high maintenance woman.  there are a number of traditional "rules" that i throw out the window.  i don't care if you leave the toilet seat up, i can put it down.  i don't care if your job requires you to work late or travel extensively, mine does too.  i don't care if you go out with the guys, because you sure as hell better not get mad when i go out with the girls.  lastly, i don't give a shit if you notice my new hairstyle (see bullet point five below).  i do, however, have some things to say about the following......

1)  take women out on dates.  remember...a date?  "what, chillin at home isn't a date?"  NO.  a date is two people, having dinner or going to a movie.  kudos to you if it is more creative than that.  don't get me wrong, "chillin" at home is great, and one of my favorite things to do with members of the opposite sex, but it gets old after three months (check that...three weeks).  you should drive to and from the date location.  also, no one likes a social retard.  so even if you really don't have any friends or the ones you have are total scrubs, go meet some fun and intelligent people who won't fart in from of your woman.

2)  suppress the ex factor.  it's great that you and your ex are still friends.  i am also friends with my ex(s), but i have never felt compelled to mention them at least once every conversation.  if you and your ex are friends, what is the harm in simply saying "friend"?  is there a specific reason i need to know that the lame joke you just told was told to you by your ex rather than your friend? 

3)  be confident dans la lit.  i'll keep this one short and sweet:  get that goofy, virgin grin off your face and get sweaty.  at least pretend it's not the best you've ever had, because i may be sitting there like, "is that it?".  not good for you.

4)  control your drinking.  this is a tough one for you alcoholics, but it's important.  it is not hot to be with the sloppy drunk at the bar.  i'd rather be with the nerd playing darts with his star wars groupies than with frank the tank.  women like to feel protected and secure when out in public, no matter how independent they are.  if you can't be strong enough to turn down another flu shot, how will you be strong enough for her when she needs you?  think about it.

5)  suppress the metrosexuality.  i love a groomed man with good taste, but when he makes the statement "i love shopping" more than me, it's a little bothersome.  i am not against metrosexuality at all, just don't flaunt it.  i have plenty of gay friends who can give me advice on which strappy sandals look best with my new bebe cocktail dress, ok?

a few more short thoughts to leave you pondering...take off your socks (you know what i mean)...at least act like you're interested in what she's saying...and shave your damn face once in a while (if i wanted to make out with a mountain man, i would move to the alps).

i'm going to hop off my soapbox for now and do some yoga.

listen to: "Glass Onion" by The Beatles..."Lady Madonna trying to make ends meet, yeah"