sometimes our only way is jumping, i hope you're not afraid of heights

la vita e bella; la vita e amore.
-- life is beautiful; life is love. 

they say that love is a leap of faith.  well, i guess i've never been inspired to jump.  without explanation, i've successfully avoided companionship for years.  maybe it was fear of co-dependency.  maybe it was habit.  i've looked after myself for a long time, and had become quite happy with my life.  anytime a potential mate surfaced, i would dig around to find something wrong with him and call it quits without second thought.  nothing ever felt right, not even the "practical" men who i "should" like.  i have never been able to fake emotion to myself or another individual.  it's not in my pisces blood.  i was beginning to think i would never have that spectacular love that some people have, and i was ok with that. 

after participating in a spontaneous cross country set up, my life has changed forever.  i have learned that true love comes without warning.  it comes without banners or flashing lights.  i have also learned that this kind of certainty comes only once a lifetime.  and it feels so good.

the past two weeks have been the most pleasant ongoing breath of fresh air.  this companion of mine has added to my already existing happiness and brought my elation meter to a level that i thought was unattainable.  i have learned more about what it should feel like to love an individual in the past two weeks that i have in my entire life.  it's not two halves that make a whole....it's two whole souls whose lives gloriously come together and compliment each other in the most beautiful way.

our first date was one of the most incredible experiences of my life.  i have always wanted

to try skydiving, and without knowing that, he suggested skydiving over the rockies while we were visiting friends in denver (on our "cross country set up").  little did i realize at the time that the act of jumping out of a plane would mean more than just a crazy adrenaline rush.  

right before jumping out of the plane, i surprised myself and was as calm as a snoozing turtle/excited to try this new adventure.  i honestly thought i would be slightly afraid.  i have come to realize that i have spent years fearing companionship.  from the instant i met my new delicious companion, i have been nothing but excited.  excited to learn all about him, excited to spend time with him, excited to kiss him, excited for everything!

as i was free falling, i noticed that i continued to pick up speed towards the earth (so fun!).  there was also this tranquil beauty in the earth below and the mountains across the horizon.  another symbolic coincidence.  every single day with my companion gets better and better, 

even though we are separated by distance.  i honestly feel like i am free falling faster and faster, yet there is still a calmness there that is so comfortable.  it's not that crazy infatuation that leaves every other aspect of our lives dormant, no, it's so much more than that.  he makes me want to be the best me i can be in all areas of life.  it is the most refreshing, comfortable, passionate and meaningful feeling i have ever felt towards someone.  

i am so grateful that i executed this jump.  

listen to:  Taking Chances by Platinum Weird...."what do you say to taking chances?  what do you say to jumping off the edge and never knowing if there's solid ground below, or a hand to hold, or hell to pay....what do you say?"

instant gratification

i've been in a slump the past few days that can only be explained by a mild cold, pms or the fact that i have been without my step-father for approximately three months.  i've been thinking about him a lot lately, and missing him more and more everyday.  i am also constantly worrying about my mother.  i hate the fact that she is alone more often than not.  as a frequent superwoman wannabe, i would give anything to heal those that i love and make everything better in an instant.  perhaps this is me becoming a confused, impatient victim of this "instant gratification" era.  anything can be solved with the simple touch of a button.  have a question?  you can now text cha cha, a service that will answer any question you have in an instant.  i know because i tested it one night among a group of friends.  you can even cite cha cha in a scholarly document, according to them, of course.

i haven't quite jumped on the iphone wagon yet, but i did purchase an itouch last week.  the applications available are slightly overwhelming and made me think:  soon we won't have to think for ourselves anymore, there will be a machine to do it for us.  don't get me wrong...i love google, wikipedia, etc.  finding restaurants in a new city via word of mouth, though, is much more my style (as opposed to urban spoon....another "no effort" program).  i'm sure i

 will get used to these fun new devices soon.  hell, i love my flip video, which is a camcorder that has a usb drive that will flip out with the touch of a button....so fun.  but this iphone thing was just a little frightening to me at first.  i even get annoyed when people try to have text message conversations with me.  what ever happened to the phone call?  maybe i'm old fashioned.  or just lame-0.

is our society too reliant on instant gratification, and if so, does that have an effect on our emotional health?  are new trends in fast-paced electronics a contributor to the rise in divorce rate?  perhaps when things go wrong, people lack the patience, dedication, and effort to make things better over time.  do people seek a fix it button for happiness?  why doesn't cha cha have all the answers?  how do i heal a broken heart? 

i was just on chacha.com to see the questions that have been asked recently.  the list included:  "how do i make girls make out?", "can you milk a fish?", and "how do you say 'i was in spanish' in spanish?".  hahahahaha.  at least it provides for a good laugh!

listen to:  Romeo and Juliet by The Killers..."there's a place for us, you know the movie song, when you gonna realize, it was just that the time was wrong, Juliet?"