the art of perfection

dancers are trained to strive for perfection, to practice like you perform, and to never settle for average. that's how i was trained. looking back, this type of pedagogy can send some very mixed messages, especially to a young girl. when i was about 9 years old, i was trained by a russian ballet instructor, who was aggressive in her teachings, even to a point of pushing us to flexibility beyond our natural reach. my training was limited to rigorous amounts of ballet for almost twelve years, until i started to branch out into more contemporary movement such as jazz, modern and hip hop.

i find this an interesting metaphor for my life. ballet is based on the idea of perfection. a ballerina's movement is precise and based on years of

technique. when watching a ballet, i am always mystified by the perfection of their lines, the grace of their hands, and the precision of their poise. oddly enough, i also find myself cringing. i would never find happiness in executing this type of movement, although i have a great respect for it. i much rather prefer contemporary, modern types of movement such as the alvin ailey dance theater (which i had the pleasure of seeing in concert last week....amazing). the dancers are athletic and strong, yet they still have a grace about them that is majestic. rather than taking the choreographers steps and mimicking them to perfection, they incorporate their own passion, making each piece meaningful to both the performer and the audience.

several months ago, i wrote blog post about why i suck. on a more serious note, here are some things about me that are far from perfect: sometimes i get insecure in relationships; i am a worry

wart....i worry about people that i care about; i have unrealistic expectations for myself and sometimes am hard on myself when i fail; i tend to be indecisive and get stressed out when a big decision lies before me; and i don't deal well with change; among many others.

the point is....i love myself and i am comfortable embracing my flaws. unconditionally. perfection has never been in my blood and i would prefer to avoid it. recently in my life, i have been in situations where i feel like perfection is expected of me, or rather, my flaws are a problem. for a while, i let that get me down. i felt unconfident. today i am reaffirming my love for myself. i am grateful for my friends and family who accept me for who i am, imperfections and all. like the dancers of alvin ailey and their unpredictable movement, i am at peace with myself, free to move as i please with love and acceptance.

listen to: Come Down to Me by Saving Jane...."you're beautiful, just the way you are. and i love it all, every line and every scar"