to be a dog

i almost forgot how to do this.....

my last post was in february. since then i have moved across the country to be an adventurous explorer striving to have faith, follow my instincts, be madly in love and believe that i will end up exactly where i should. for someone like me who feels my way through life, this can be

difficult. i've found that my adjustment periods on big moves like this can be challenging as that uneasy feeling tends to overwhelm me. sometimes i feel like i'm flailing around like a hyperactive monkey. other times i feel like a blind person, walking around with my arms extended waiting to feel what

comes next. really though, i just want to be like a dog....no concern about the future except the next feeding time. dogs are simple creatures. they relish in the simple things. they don't live in the past. to be a dog.....

career-wise, i have always landed on my feet. somehow in every adverse situation, or every situation in which the future is unknown, i end up exactly where i am supposed to. and boy it feels good. while i have faith that i'll get there, i'm totally stuck in limbo right now. so while i'm waiting for the stars to line up, yoga will be my best friend (maybe that is where they get the term "starving artist"....bored unemployed dancers who have nothing to do but exercise).

my personal life could also be described as "limbo-esque". the change in residency has created quite a change in my social schedule. "girl's night" on monday has been replaced with "watch tv with my cat night". don't get me wrong, i love my life here (and my cat), but if

these walls could talk they would speak of a progressive loss of sanity to a once twenty-something social butterfly, complete with lady gaga hairbrush sing-a-longs and conversations with bugs. scary.

now that i've got all the complaints out of the way....

i'm very blessed. i have a man who loves me and a healthy existence. i'm grateful for the deep friendships i have, even though they are separated by hundreds and thousands of miles. i love my family through thick and thin and know that they too, will love me to the end. no matter what happens, i will always have the greatest therapy inside my heart and that is my dance. even when i'm old and crippled, i will still have the passion in my soul and that is the most blessed gift in my life. that is what keeps me going through these stages; that is what gives me faith that everything will get better. having that passion reminds me that i am a living, breathing human who makes mistakes, lives for love, feels sorrow, and breathes in new life while sustaining the ability to know who i am. i have always felt my way through life and vow today, and everyday to continue to do so. i would just like to do it more like a dog....with no worries. more faith, i say.

ruff.

listen to: "Hey, Soul Sista" by Train (one of my fav hairbrush sing-a-longs at this time, among hundreds)...."the way you can cut a rug, watching you's the only drug I need

You're so gangsta, I'm so thug, you're the only one I'm dreaming of

You see, I can be myself now finally, in fact there's nothing I can't be
I want the world to see you be with me"